Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
