theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
