my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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