Im at strip club and am horny
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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