you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
