Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
