If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
