He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
