Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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