Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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