You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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