My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let's get the cat blown out
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
