I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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