I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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