You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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