the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
