What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
