Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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