Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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