I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
