i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
