I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
