Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
