I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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