I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I smell stomach acid.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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