How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
