You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
