I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
