why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
