I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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