I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
