wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
