PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
