Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
