genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
