do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
