nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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