Moan for me like Helen Keller
Acid is not a monday night drug
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
