Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
