Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
