I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
