He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
