i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
