yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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