I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
