You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
