Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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