there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
