she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
