fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
